PHOENIX MAN PROBED!

HE may have been the butt of many jokes in his neighbourhood but having a vibrator jammed up his jack was no laughing matter for Phoenix resident *Kris Nair midweek.
Nair rushed himself to a hospital in the Mount Edgecombe area to dislodge the miscreant object which made its way north during a love game gone wrong.
It is unknown whether Nair was in the company of another or alone when the incident happened.
Reliable hospital sources who spoke to the Golden City Voice revealed though the young man was in great discomfort when he arrived on Wednesday.
The man revealed that in a love game, which he claimed involved only himself (but which medical authorities had doubts on),  the device made its way up until it disappeared into his nether region.
Doctors at the hospital became concerned when the object - size unknown - showed up in X-rays in the man's colon.
"While doctors and nurses had a medical think on what to do, the embarrassed but hurt man said he had to use the toilet. However he soon disappeared," said an inside source.
He added the man later called to thank hospital doctors and nurses "profusely" claiming that he and his amorous love toy had thankfully parted ways.
A doctor, who did not want to be quoted for fear of popularity, urged Golden City Voice adult readers to be careful when using such toys.
"Most importantly though, it is important to tell a family member and to get to a hospital as soon as is possible. Such body invasions can result in great injury if not treated timeously."
At the time of going to press it was not ascertained as to whether the object was still in vibratory mode at the hospital or at what point the battery had run out.
* To respect doctor/patient confidentiality, and out of respect to the patient, his real name has not been used.
* * If you have a Never! RearEnding Story, do share at goldencityvoice@gmail.com

I WIN MY CRABS

HAVE SA Indians become crabs in a bucket? You know, the kind that drags the other down when she's climbing up too fast?

Some argue that the biggest  baggage Indians carried to the shores of Durban, South Africa, from India 150 years ago was the caste system. A well-organised system designed by the powerful to keep the weak at the bottom. And the creme de la creme of society - themselves - at the top. The caste system therefore could ensure, in this power game, that the status quo was maintained and that the rule of the wealthy and the fabulous would be entrenched. (The system was perfected even a century before apartheid was invented.)

But if that were so, are those that are doing the dragging in the bucket trying to keep all equally in the shyte end of the bucket, thereby heralding the second phase of the revolution - the birth of a new socialist order? You know where all crabs are equal - equally poor.  Except for the tenderpreneurs carrying the bucket, owning the bucket.

Or are the crabs saying, 'Well if I couldn't make it, let the next crabby charou eat dirt too'.

I couldn't help wonder the above when the third couple to leave the East Coast Radio Live Inside Win The Ride competition was interviewed on ECR.

The outgoing couple asked ECR listeners to save their votes for the non-charous in the vehicle.

They didn't say why. What freaked me out is that the couple, stars of a new movie starring the deputy mayor Logie Naidoo, which premiered at Gateway Theatre of Shopping on Mother's Day at 3pm, spoke lovingly to Shiksha Bhogal and her Beau minutes before leaving the VW van.

They explained their reasons (medical) for leaving the ride on day number eight.

It was a poignant moment which, if you read correctly, appeared to be saying: "OK keep the charou flag flying high hah, and make amma proud!"

The non-Indian couple won the Mother's Day prize and were treated to hairdos and lunch and had left the vehicle for an hour or so at the time. Inside, the departing couple, SA Indians from PMB, spoke lovingly to Bhogal and her Beau.

Perhaps it makes sense if they requested voters to cast their vote for the non-Indians as they found them to be worthy of the win.

If not the case, and if they cannot not justify their public persuasion would that not constitute racism?

Would someone please call Jody Kollapen of the Human Rights Commission and find out what on earth's going down in Bunnychowland! And can we charge the 150 or so committees on the 1860 bandwagon commemorating the Indian arrival all those years ago, of sectarianism while we're at it?